Wedding Charge

Rabbi Anne Persin

According to the Hassidic rabbi the Baal Shem Tov:

From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to the heavens.  And when two souls, destined to be together, find each other, the streams of light flow together and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.

Spencer, Liza you both have a light that shines from within [one may be more boisterous than the other].  From the moment you first met over sushi, two and a half years ago, both of you could see the light shining from the other.  Spencer, you saw it in Liza’s smile, in her innocence and in her charm.  Liza, you saw Spencer’s light through his warmth and enthusiasm; in fact, being able to see his light shining through made him extremely interesting and unique.  Before you said good night on that first date, you were already making plans for the second.  And so the last two and a half years have gone: before you have finished one moment, you have been looking towards the next – sometimes eagerly, sometimes gingerly – but with each moment, with each “next” you have grown more and more in love and devoted to one another.

As you embark on this new moment, let the three parts of the Jewish wedding: the Ketubah, the rings, and yichud serve as a guide to the three most important parts to marriage.  

The Ketubah

Liza & Spencer, as I have already told you, I am so impressed with both of your willingness to be in any conversation necessary for your relationship.  The Ketubah reminds you of the importance of communication.  In its very essence, the ketubah is about talking to each other;  it is, in written form, your vows to one another – in this beautiful document, the more expressive, romantic conversations you should come back to on a regular basis and, as in the practical contract that you worked on, the real life issues that – if you are always open to talking about – will be more mole hills than mountains.  Both of you said that one of your favorite things to do with one another is talk – talk and eat.  Don’t lose either of those.

The Rings

But what did Elvis say? “A little less talk, a little more action”?  This is the point of the rings.  Please, do not stop communicating with one another. Ever. But the rings should remind you that sometimes it’s not about talk but about something more tangible – it’s about sending her flowers and those little surprises that you do for her.  It’s about making him lunch or picking him up late at night.  The rings remind you to be a physical presence in each other’s lives. The rings remind you to go biking and skiing together, to watch tv together, to play chess together. The rings remind you of the importance of play play – both the rough & tumble, active kind and the quieter, calmer games.  Whenever you look at your rings remember to do nice things for each other, to play together, to laugh together – to be a presence in each other’s life.

Yichud

After you break the glass and we all yell “mazal tov,” you will leave us for fifteen or so minutes to yichud.  You will share a bite to eat as husband and wife for the first time.  You will have an opportunity to bask in the moment – just the two of you.  Perhaps, you will share a kiss or two.  The word yichud means unity – togetherness.  The act of marriage is the sanctification of your love.  Love is finding happiness just by being together.  Love is giving of yourself to your partner, not because anyone else is telling you that you have to, but because – even when things are not great – you choose to.  Every day you make a choice to be available to each other, to be devoted to one another, to take – even if only for a few minutes – a moment of yichud.  

When I imagine the streams of light that the Baal Shem Tov spoke about coming together to create this greater brighter light, I never imagine the two streams becoming one big stream.  Rather, I always have seen them as remaining two distinct streams of light woven together.  In marriage, you do not become one. You stay distinct personalities with different ideas and methods and needs.  But every day, in that moment of yichud, look into each other’s eyes and know that your light is brighter together than apart.

Spencer, Liza, take a moment to look at each other. Spencer, see the low maintenance (morning), cutie that won you over with her smile.  Liza, see the dancing, singing, hugging man that impressed you from the very beginning.  Never stop talking to each other. Be a presence in each other’s lives. Take a moment every day to look each other in the eyes and remember this day.

We live in this world to work and to create, to love and be loved, to rejoice and be fulfilled, to play play and to share ourselves with those we love.  May the light of the love you share guide you in your search for the full measure of joy and satisfaction in this world.  Be a blessing to one another and to all you meet on life’s way.  And Liza & Spencer may you be blessed in these among all things:

• In loving each other
• In appreciating how you are alike
• In treasuring how you are different
• In sharing your lives together
• In peace and serenity in your home
• In the blessing of raising children
• In the fulfillment of living and growing and achieving together
• In the warmth and companionship of family and friends
• And in realizing your fondest hopes